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November 27. 2012 | kotori4444's Blog


  Today is the first day of this online journal. I will try to write every day.
  Today, I was at home doing nothing as usual. Thinking of my friends that I miss. Hating myself for the cuts, and scars. Thinking about food and how to lose weight. Thinking about cutting as usual. A typical day. Played with the baby, slept, ate some, watched tv, was on here. I used to want to go to school to become a psychotherapist in a hospital or treatment facility. Now my dream is to pass freshman year somehow. 
  I have no motivation to do the work the school sends to me. I have no one making me do it here like I do there. I feel it's pointless.
  I'm crying again. That's a normal occurrence too. Before this I never cried. Now that seems to be all I do. I hate crying. It makes me feel worse. I hate my doctor too. I just want punch her in her stupid face. She is just making this situation worse for me by leaving me alone with my thoughts. At least at school I had people to talk to. I haven't seen anyone my age in two months.
  They were going to send me to a hospital. I wish they would. I want to just get away from here. I am afraid of needles though, so physical examination won't be fun.
  Enough for now. I will write more later. It's like 2-30 in the morning  right now.

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